Being a SAHM (stay at home mom)

I decided to write this post after an experience I had yesterday when I was at lunch with one of our play groups.

We went to chick-fil-a after story time. Now mind you, there was 15 moms, easy..plus the kiddo's. So we pushed a few tables together and had lunch. We were talking and laughing about mom stuff-funny things our kids said or did, things we did, etc when this old man comes up to us-he had to be 75-80-and says:

"So this is what you housewives do all day while the husband is out working"

So, me being sarcastic and all said "Pretty much"

Then a few other Mom's chimed in with

"and eat bon-bons all day"
"while sitting on the couch watching TV"
"and taking naps"
"and watching soap operas"

Then an uproar of laughter at the table.

This got me thinking about the common misconception of "housewives" and "stay at home mom's"..believe me, I used to have the same misconception when I was a working mom.

I thought being a SAHM would mean sleeping in, taking naps, watching my soap opera, lounging around, having a perfectly clean house everyday, dinner on the table when hubby gets home, being the soccer mom, or the mom all your friends had-the one that took you to school; picked you up; always had snacks for practice...you know, the ideal image of a Mom that doesn't have to work.

Man was I wrong! Having done both, I LOVE being able to stay home with my boys. I HATED dropping Braedon off at daycare knowing someone else was having fun with him all day and teaching him new things. That being said, being a working mom was easier in the means of effort. There was an escape from the crying and whining and diapers and cleaning and chasing. I had adult interaction and my days weren't filled with conversations with a child-while those conversations can be very interesting to say the least. I got up, got ready for work, got Braedon ready for daycare, ate breakfast, dropped him off at daycare, went to work. Then I picked him up from daycare, we played, I made dinner, then bath and bed.

I can honestly say, I am more tired at the end of the day being a SAHM than I was being a working Mom. Now, I get up, get ready for the day-if I want a shower, I have to get up before my kids or wait until naptime, get the boys up and ready, drop Braedon off at school, come home, feed Cohen, play, er, chase Cohen-make sure he doesn't get into anything, pick up after him, etc. Then he goes down for a nap at which time, if I didn't get a shower in the morning, now's the time if I'm going to get one then I have to pick up the house-it's amazing what a 10 month old can destroy-clean up our breakfast dishes, figure out what's for dinner and take out what needs to thaw, do whatever household chores are on the list for that day-clean bathrooms, pick up bedrooms, vacuum, sweep/mom, laundry-never ending with 2 kids, dusting, giving the dogs a bath depending on what mess they've gotten themselves into outside...then hopefully I can get that done before Cohen wakes up from his nap (which doesn't happen then I'm a day behind and it snowballs). Once he's up from his nap, it's time for lunch. I can then hope he will entertain himself without getting into too much trouble so I can clean up our lunch mess. From there, more chasing and playing...then it's afternoon nap time so I can finish cleaning up the lunch mess if I didn't get it done earlier, try to finish household chores or take 10 minutes for myself before he wakes up again. Then he's up and it's off to pick up Braedon from school. We come home, go over his day and any homework he has, then relief for me-Braedon plays/chases Cohen while I attempt to make dinner before the meltdowns start. HA-good luck with that! After dinner, I get the boys cleaned up while Chris cleans up dinner then it's play time with Daddy while Mommy puts her feet up :-) Then bath and bed...and Mommy collapses, er, gets on the computer LOL!

Being a SAHM also means making things work on one income and making sacrifices to do so. We haven't had cable in over a year, I haven't had my hair cut since I stopped working, I have had 1 pedicure since Cohen was born, we live paycheck to paycheck, we buy things that are on sale/clearance, we plan activites that are free-like story time at the library-or CHEAP-like kids eat free at Chick-fil-a on Mondays, Mcdonald's playplace with a $3 kidsmeal, we make dinner at home, we stress over how the bills will get paid, our credit is shot, Chris works 14 hours of OT every week just to make ends meet...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am willing to make sacrifices to be home with my kids. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of days that I think of the luxuries we could have if I was working. We've made it work on half the income we had and we thought we were broke when I was working as well! The problem is, aside from the crap economy, we have 2 kids. That would mean 2 kids in daycare-1 fulltime infant and 1 before/after school care. In order for me to go back to work and still bring home enough money to make it worth it after paying a daycare bill, I'd have to make at least $35k. I was making $42k but those paying jobs are harder to come by when you have ex-corporate america with Masters/Doctoral degrees competing for those jobs as well. Though, we have considered me getting a waitressing job at nights to bring in some income without having to pay for daycare. It's cash on hand and as long as the restaurant is busy, you can make what you need to make by picking up extra tables or working an extra hour or so.

So to all you working mom's out there-Props to you! I know how hard it is to leave your kids in someone else's hands...the trust it takes, the strength that it takes to leave a crying child or tell your child they have to go because you have to go to work, the courage it takes to know you are doing the right thing for your family, and the comittment it takes to balance work and personal along with making the most of the time you have with your kids.

And to all you fellow stay at home moms out there-Props to you as well! Especially those that have done it for years and years. It is exhausting and hard to not have the adult interaction, talking to your kids all day.